Just A Whiny Vent

Today, I am SO SO TIRED. My medicine made me sick this morning, so my day started out bad 😦 My head hurts’, my body aches, I can’t workout because of this lyme nonsense, and I haven’t been eating great. I did have oatmeal for breakfast, and I had a sandwhich and chips from Jimmy Johns. It was ok, I just really need to hit the grocery store-if I can find the energy!!! 😦

 

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. 

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How 11/12/13 Mattered to Me

I think my last post I was excited about starting a new chapter on 11/12/13. Well, I think my body decided this for me. The past few weeks I’ve been feeling “blah”-sluggish, hungry,and overall just exhausted. After several blood tests,  I asked my dr. to test my  thyroid, which she sort of rolled her eyes at the thought…..then I got my results back yesterday and found out that I not only have a thyroid abnormality, but I also tested positive for lyme. Thankfully, we caught it at the right time, in the beginning stages so it’s not as serious as it could be, but it’s still scary nonetheless. I’ve told pretty much all of my immediate friends because I am a freak, and can’t keep my mouth shut. This means I’ll be exhausted and achey for a few weeks, which sort of eliminates my workout plan. I think I’m going to take this chance to work on my diet….everything happens for a reason!

Anyone been through this or maybe have a suggestion or two for coping with this, while trying to get fit?

How Lloyd Dobbler Changed My Mindset

Tonight my roommate and I watched Say Anything on Netflix. It’s one of those movies I love, but can never remember quite perfectly. I’m more of a TV quoter I guess, especially shows like Scrubs or How I Met Your Mother. Anyway, I’ll try not to make this post about how I haven’t met my Dobbler. I think in my last post I mentioned that I was looking for motivation, wherever it came from-well, there was this line in the movie that kind of resonated with me (I’ll copy and paste directly from wikiquote)

Diane Court: Nobody thinks it will work, do they?

Lloyd Dobler: No. You just described every great success story.

Here’s the thing: I’ve tried dieting probably every three months or so since I was 8 (I remember my Uncle driving me to the All You Can Eat Buffet and telling me to stick to salad-I’m living proof I probably didn’t) So by now, my friends, most importantly my family are probably thinking that I’ll fail. I mean, the first day of my new “‘diet” I tried last week, my roommate (size 0) suggested we go get Ice Cream after dinner. When I responded with putting my gym clothes on, she replied “Oh great idea-you can work out then we can WALK to the ice cream place.” She doesn’t get it-and I think I finally am starting to. I shouldn’t rely on family and friends to motivate me or be my strength. I need to find the determination and motivation myself and when I’m weak THEN lean on them. I’ve always heard that you really had to do it for yourself and not for anyone else-and I’m really starting to believe that. I think that having accountability and support is important too, but believing in myself is a strong part of the equation.

I think my goals for this week will be focused more on routine changing, rather than dieting-I’m going to try to take this super slow and steady- After all, that wins the race right? 

This week I want to:

-Go to the Gym three times for at least 30 minutes

-Wake up early enough to make a solid breakfast (Oatmeal) and coffee

-Cook enough dinner to eat at home every night this week

 

Here’s to officially starting over, and believing that I can succeed. 

Where I Am Today

I think I procrastinated myself away from this blog. My goal this week is to stay as updated as possible. Since I’m not posting this to friends or family-I hope that random people start to keep me accountable. Or maybe this blog will keep me accountable. Today, I’m talking through what has happened in the past two weeks with my weight, self esteem, and my journey.

I have been feeling really crappy lately, not resting, just having a ridiculous appetite, and absolutely no motivation to help myself for the better. I don’t know where my drive or my passion for making myself better went-but I want it-no NEED it back. I spoke with my doctor and have had some basic tests run to make sure my thyroid,cholesterol, and other vitals are good-but most scarily, check for DIABETES. I am terrified that because of my lack of control, I’ve ruined my life. I hope it hasn’t gotten to that point yet-and I hope I have an opportunity to change it for the better and reverse it.

I went and saw a nutritionist a couple weeks ago. She suggested I start medifast (prepared meals? heck no! Expensive and gross) or do a 1500 calorie diet-definitely doable, but I wanted a secret solution I guess. I have a few more visits that I’ll continue to see her, but I’m not sure she’s the motivation I was looking for. 

Then, I went and saw this “weight management”‘ dr. I had a livingsocial deal and thought it would be great-but then he said that I had too much weight to lose for that plan and that I needed to do the deluxe package for just 1500 bucks. (Again, heck no techno-I do not have the money) Honestly, it bothers me when people say that medical bills are more expensive, it’s just hard when the cash flow is not as flowing as it should be. This doctor also hit the sales side and hit me with “You will NEVER lose weight unless you go with my program”.  This was the most depressing and disheartening thing I’ve ever heard and it only drove me to eat MORE and not care about myself. 

 

How do I get motivated? How do I become driven”? How do I make myself jumpstart? I don”t know how I’ll find the answers, but I hope I’ll find them soon. 

 

I’m hopeful.

well hello again

Hello internet world:

I recently purchased a new “(refurbished) laptop for work. I think I’m going to try this blogging thing again (heck, I even created a new twitter) to see if I can really take time to flesh whatever is going on in this head out and really (as Iyana says) “do this work”

 

I’m starting a new life tomorrow. I bought workout shoes, I have a dietician appointment planned-I bought a kurig so I can start making coffee at home-Now I just need to actually follow through with what I want to do. …that’s a pretty big thing to ask of myself.  I’m pretty hard on myself most of the time. I need to learn to forgive myself, but overall just go with the flow. I feel inadequate in every aspect of my life. The only way to fix it is if I choose to do something. So, this is my choosing to fix it. Tomorrow is the day my life begins.

 

Feel free to come along, I’m sure it will be quite the adventure.